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Become an Official Agent of G.O.A.T. – Book One

If you made it this far, you survived Book One and still have glitter in weird places. Now it’s time to make it official:

Your Secret Society of G.O.A.T.™ Certificate of Achievement is waiting. This is proof that you’re clever, focused, and mildly chaotic (in a good way).

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If you're under 13, please have your grown-up help you out with this mission. Moo insists. 🐐✨

Privacy Policy & Consent for Moo Mail™ and G.O.A.T. Certificates (Read here.)

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(Just one magical message. No weird stuff. No mailing list. Moo’s honor.)
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(Parent inbox only. You can unsubscribe anytime. No glitter, just brilliance.)

What's your name, Agent?

(We'll print it on your certificate!)

Where should we email your certificate?

(Ask a grown-up!)

What do YOU think G.O.A.T. stands for?

(Gigantic Octopus Ate Tacos?)

What’s Moo’s real name? Take a wild guess!

I wish there was a brain hack for…

Moo's Hack: Ah yes, Loud Breathing Rage. Classic. I invented the Invisible Bubble Protocol™: Breathe in and imagine you’re inside a bubble of silence. Breathe out and give your brother to distract him. Repeat as needed. (Note: Imaginary chickens are noisier than brothers. That’s the point.)
Moo's Hack:

Welcome to the Overthinker Time Loop. I've been stuck there since 2017. Use the Rewind & Reframe Hack™:

- Whisper: “At least I was interesting.”

- Then do a victory pose. Seriously.

Because weird is just “legendary in progress.”

Moo's Hack: You, Agent, need the Wiggle Loop Redirect™

It goes like this:

- Wiggle your toes in slow motion under the desk.
- Draw invisible figure eights on your thigh with your finger.
- Tap your pencil three times like a spy.
Boom. Secret movement. Alert brain. Calm teacher.
Moo's Hack: Oh, you mean Mount Doom of Homework? You need the Mini-Mission Method™: - Pick one tiny task.
- Pretend you’re defusing a glitter bomb.
- Celebrate when you finish.
Repeat until the mountain becomes a molehill (or at least a medium-sized llama).
Moo's Hack: Introducing the Trip Memory Vaporizer™. - Step 1: Say “DELETE!” in your brain.
- Step 2: Imagine the moment turning into a balloon and floating away.
- Step 3: Eat a snack dramatically.
Your crush probably thought you were doing a stunt anyway.
Moo's Hack: Ah yes, classic combo. The Penguin Doom Spiral. Try the Mind Movie Maker™: - Build a slow, silly dream scene: one penguin, one pizza, one trampoline.
- Loop the words: “Now is for resting, not obsessing.”
- If your brain interrupts, give it a pillow and tell it to hush.
Moo's Hack:

You have Happy Volcano Syndrome. Use the Contain-the-Happy Technique™

- Clench your fists. Jump one time. Whisper “YESSSS.”

- Bounce that energy into your shoes.

- Give yourself 2 Cool Points for not exploding.

(You only need 8 Cool Points to unlock an imaginary hoverboard.)

Moo's Hack:

Agent, everyone is a potato sometimes. But you are a cosmic potato. Use the Flip- The-Feel Hack™:

- Think: “That person is proof it’s possible.”

- Then say: “I’m next.”

Bonus: Potatoes grow underground. That’s called building roots.